Safe Home: Captain Lou Albano

Two days ago we lost a true blooded, God-damned American Hero: Captain Lou Albano, aged 76. A member of the WWF Hall of Fame (Class of '96), Albano also wore gold around his portly waist as one half of the United States Tag Team Champions in something that was called the WWWF.

Captain Lou found crossover success with his loudmouth persona and his awesome drunken managerial presence. He boasted that he wrote all of Cyndi Laupers songs, and was an outright sexist on more than one occasion. It wasn't long though before he apologized to Lauper, explaining that he had "calcium deposits" extracted from his medulla oblongata, thus "removing all his evil tendencies." Gotta love wrestling, folks. Needless to say, after THAT explanation all his previous behavior washed over and he used his newfound popularity to later play the lead role in one of the best shows of all time: THE SUPER MARIO BROS. SUPER SHOW!!!!!!1!11!! Safe Home, Captain Lou!